the ONE thing that’s made me want to put my camera down…
As a photographer, I've always loved capturing moments and memories through my lens. But there's one thing that recently made me want to put my camera down and just reflect on my own life. It was a video I filmed a long time ago, back when the world was different. I had edited it forever, but it seemed so fateful or sickeningly ironic that I just never posted it. But now, as I sit down to watch it, I realize there's one thing that matters in it.
One of the moments in the video was when I talked about my vanity and my decision to get Kybella injections to get rid of a small fat pocket I noticed in one of my videos. I was so vain, but I regret it now. It hurt a lot and I learned that we can't just be happy with who we are.
As I continue to watch the video, I see myself rushing to get dressed for a Skype call with Sweden about the workshops I was about to teach. I was in the city for three days that week, which meant spending two hours each way, depending on traffic. I was also trying to work on a presentation for France and had a busy week ahead.
As I watch the video, I reflect on the moments when I felt guilty about taking care of myself. I had done a photo shoot to document my weightlifting progress and was proud of the body I had worked for, but I still felt guilty about it. I realized that a lot of us feel shame for making money and taking care of ourselves. But there's no shame in creating a life doing what you love and living the life you've created for yourself.
I also talked about the challenges of editing and how I had to go back and change the metadata of all my photos because I had made a mistake. I also did an Instagram live where I critiqued images, and I hoped I didn't offend anyone.
The video ended with me headed downtown to meet with Megan Brown from Two Bright Lights and going to the Not offices for a meeting and drinks. I was so nervous and excited at the same time.
As I watch the video, I realize that my life is full of ups and downs, just like anyone else's. But what's important is that I live my life to the fullest and be proud of who I am and what I do. I hope this video inspires others to do the same.
